Reconnecting to my Divine Feminine Energy
You might have read the title to this and thought....WTF? But for real, it is something that maybe since I left San Francisco is a conscious effort to stay connected to. I felt like I had lost it in a lot of ways.
I chose challenges that were vast and hard in lots of parts of my life that kept bringing out my masculine energy in order to succeed, or so I thought that’s what I needed. In the end so many times I felt I moved away from my true essence, which is love and more on the feminine energy side.
While it was easy for me to look at many of my female counterparts and friends and call them a "goddess" and encouraged them to embrace their inner "goddess", I struggled to refer to myself that way.
What is divine feminine energy?
Divine feminine energy has a lot of names: yin, lunar, shakti, and passive, to name a few.
But they’re all the same thing. Divine feminine energy is the goddess energy within. It’s the energy of flow, of being, of intuition, of the moon.
The reality is that all humans have access to divine feminine and masculine energy, just that western culture operates more on masculine energy, one of making things happen.
Why I felt disconnected?
If you think about me and my path thus far...I am a solo founder, mountaineer, solo traveler, have past careers in management consulting, real estate development, aerospace, moved to cities and countries solo without knowing anyone... it’s all highly masculine energy driven. Activities like doing, pushing, producing, going are encouraged.
Well when I left in SF in October 2017, I knew all of me was off. More on that in another post. One of the main things I missed was my connection with my divine feminine energy and the allowance to embrace it fully.
Being a solo female founder in Silicon Valley is not the place to cultivate your feminine energy or is it welcomed or embraced. For so long I felt I had to act like a man to get ahead in business and not show signs of weakness.
Even with dating, I remember two people giving me two books after my divorce because they said I was “too nice”... books were ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ and ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’. I remember reading these and thinking, I am soooooo screwed because this is just not me. I am not sure if these books are right or not, but here I am single still and I can’t deal with the games and disingenuity that is encouraged in books like these.
A commitment to reconnecting.
So when I left SF and eventually made my way to SE Asia, part of the journey to healing was to reconnect with my divine feminine energy. It was easy there, yoga, ecstatic dances, meditation, sound baths, play time in the beach and sun, wearing dresses and swimsuits in the heat, a carefreeness to fully be yourself without a care in the world what anyone else thought, as everyone was on their own journey. There was no judgement. I also devoted time to learning energy work with my Reiki training, and that really helped shift things even further.
I knew when I got home the test would be to put this all into practice. Easy to do on a carefree island, harder to do with the demands of western culture. I landed in the US in January and it was reverse culture shock. As I started going to meetings and getting things going with my company again, started my process of figuring out how to move to another country with very little knowledge about how challenging the process would actually be, I felt the masculine energy shining through again.
Recently at a Trade Show I attend twice a year, after my first day there I had to take a moment that night and the next morning to reflect on what was coming out. I felt unbalanced because immediately the masculine energy was coming out to “make things happen” instead of allowing things to flow in. Before day two, I took time to set an intention to run my day ruled by my feminine energy that day. WOW what a shift! I was so much more at peace the whole day, I was able to bring my full self forward to my meetings, I was even able to integrate aspects of my spiritual journey into some of my meetings and mindset around why it’s important for healthy living and how it makes me a better businesswoman. Our divine feminine energy makes us amazing leaders that are compassionate, intuitive, non-reactive, thoughtful, and cultivators of great culture.
It was also my grounding point that I NEED my divine feminine energy as it is more aligned to my true essence as a human. Bringing it into aspects of my work and life is good and helps me bring my full self forward. It will not make be less successful, but on the contrary will help me shine, as I radiate my true essence. Even when I am climbing big peaks, my approach the past few years has changed. I no longer “conquer mountains”, instead I ask them for permission, I ask them to be kind, I thank them for letting me be a visitor, and I step forward on the journey with the best intentions, but let go of the outcome. Two times on Everest taught me that.
So ever since I started my move to Europe and now as I am still settling, I have to say I love that feminine energy is more celebrated here. It can be wicked stressful moving and setting up a business in a new country where the documents are all in a language you don’t understand, and you are trying to build new community, but as I go through this next step in my journey I am trying to channel that inner divine feminine energy as it’s what keeps me grounded and helps me bring my full self forward. Ultimately that is the type of businesswoman, friend, lover, I want to be...someone that is fully present and best aligned to her true essence.
There is so much shame and stigma I still hear from women around the world around embracing their femininity, loving their bodies, enjoying their sexuality, celebrating their softness at times, but all these things are not to be confused with not being strong, capable, and powerful. They can all live in harmony together. We as women need to bring our full self forward and not try to fit in anyone else's “box”.
I think of this photo in a swimsuit in Ecuador and remember how in my teens and most of my twenties I would not take photos in my two piece or want them seen. I was brought up in a pretty traditional latin household and I was always self conscious of having my body “seen”. It took me so many shifts in my personal life, time in other countries and around other cultures to finally be ok and just “own it”. Own my body, all of it, and love it fully . That is part of my divine feminine energy, this lovely body God gave me to enjoy my life and live fully. It doesn’t need to be hidden.
So ladies reading this, embrace your beautiful energy and let it shine through. It’s our gift to share with the world. If you feel like you have lost it a bit, cultivate it back, it’s there inside of you and never left. You are a goddess!